


I've waited long and patiently (to find the one to balance me)

by tillthestarsevaporate



Category: Away (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26786215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillthestarsevaporate/pseuds/tillthestarsevaporate
Summary: This is the before and the after. Lu's last night on Earth before heading to Mars was not what she expected. When she returned to Earth three years later, she tried, and failed, to find Mei.Will fate intervene?Or:Lu's last night with Mei, and her first night years later.
Relationships: Mei Chen/Lu Wang (Away TV 2020)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	I've waited long and patiently (to find the one to balance me)

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, of course I'm obsessed with these two. Even though their scenes weren't many, they were perfect and so tastefully done.  
> Here's to hoping the show gets renewed and we get to see more of Lu and Mei!

**Before**

_Women hold up half the sky_ , the ring read, as Lu struggled to keep her gaze away from Mei. If she let herself stare too long, there was no telling how much self-control she would manage to keep.

“Let me stay tonight,” Mei said. Before Lu could object, she continued, “I’m not asking you to break your vows. We don’t have to do anything.”

Lu swallowed the lump in her throat.

“We won’t even touch each other. Just lie in bed,” Mei whispered. “Please. Only one night. Let’s have one night together.”

Lu felt a tug in her chest and she tried to suppress the feelings. But how could she? How could she refuse Mei’s offer, how, when she wouldn’t get to see her again for years, when she might not even make it back? “Okay.”

And so she led Mei to the bedroom, grabbing a change of clothes and disappearing into the adjacent room.

Her heart was close to bursting, but she didn’t know why, not exactly. Was her heart happy, giddy, impatient? Was it nervous at the prospect of sleeping next to Mei? Was it scared that Lu wouldn’t keep her hands to herself? The thoughts warred in her mind as she changed and walked back to the bedroom.

The door was slightly ajar, the same way she had left it. She quietly knocked before slowly pushing it. Mei sat on the edge of the bed, her back to her. She wore a grey tank top, unlike Lu’s blue shirt. Mei turned around.

With Mei facing her now, Lu forced herself to look away. The pretence of hanging her clothes was the perfect excuse.

Lu turned away from the closet, but came face-to-face with Mei, a concerned look painting her features. Wordlessly, Lu made to pass her and get to the bed. But she miscalculated the distance— _what would she do in space if she already started making mistakes?_ she wondered—and her arm brushed Mei’s.

She stopped in her tracks for a second, but thought better of it and regained her pace. She couldn’t—shouldn’t touch Mei. She sat at the edge of the bed closest to the door as Mei walked to the other side. She felt the mattress dip behind her. She took a deep breath and lay on her back, settling on top of the covers and dimming the lights.

“Lu,” breathed Mei. Lu turned on her side. She cupped her cheek with her right palm and rested them on the pillow. Mei was smiling, a hand under her own pillow, when Lu finally risked a look at her face. “How are you feeling?”

“I—I am not sure,” Lu said. She heard the anxiety in her voice.

Mei chuckled. “Are you nervous?”

Lu closed her eyes.

“I am,” Mei whispered.

“I...”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

Lu opened her eyes. “I want to.” There was no hesitation this time. If there was one thing she knew for certain right now, it was that she wanted to talk to Mei. Wanted to make the most out of their last night together. “I’m scared. I’m hopeful and excited, but I’m scared.”

Mei was silent for a beat.

“I mean about the Mars mission,” Lu clarified. “About being away . . . from you.”

“I’ll be there every step of the way, Lu.”

“Want to know something crazy?”

Mei nodded.

“You being in Mission Control, I think that’s what will keep me sane.”

Mei’s eyes shone with tears. “What if—what if you don’t make it back?”

Lu held her gaze. “I will,” she said with confidence she didn’t feel. Not at that moment. Not when she thought of Mei and how she might not see her again. “I will,” she repeated, as if trying to convince herself.

“But...”

“I will.” With unprecedented sureness, Lu’s hand trembled as she grabbed Mei’s hand and pulled it close to her chest. “I _will_ make it back.”

Mei breathed loudly. Lu moved to let her hand go, but Mei held on. “Don’t.”

Lu shut her eyes. Inhaled deeply.

“Please,” came Mei’s low whisper as she squeezed Lu’s hand. Lu opened her eyes and moved her other hand from beneath her head. She held Mei’s hands in hers as she held her eyes. Mei shifted nearer and rested her forehead against Lu’s, then closed her eyes. Her breath grazed Lu’s nose. “Please,” Mei whispered again.

“I’ll see you soon, Mei.” Lu closed her eyes. _I know I will_.

Slowly, Mei’s breaths evened and she fell asleep. Lu stared at her serene features for long minutes, until, eventually, she smiled to herself and drifted to the land of dreams.

The next morning, Lu rose while Mei didn’t stir. Before she left, Lu placed her note on the bed where she had slept, and it was all she could do to not wake Mei up to say goodbye, to look at her face one last time.

 _I love you_ , was the thought that travelled with her for years to come.

##

**After**

ATLAS I had touched down on Earth three years and five months later, bringing the first successful Mars mission to a close, but not the toll it had taken. Lu was never the same. Lei had turned sixteen when his mother finally held him again. Other than seeing her son, Lu’s life was a haze since that day she and her crew landed.

It was four years later now. After losing touch with most of the ATLAS I crew, Lu’s life hyper-focused on her family. On her son. She went through the motions, with a single thought keeping her going: reuniting with Mei. But the universe’s irony was maddening, as, only months after Lu’s return, attempt after attempt to contact Mei had failed. Lu didn’t even have much to go on: only a phone number and an address. But back home, the only thing she could try was Mei’s phone. And it had proven futile.

_“Mei, listen. Seven months from now, we will touch down on Mars. Two years later, we will come back to Earth. And after the parades are over, and after my son has grown up, I will find you.”_

_“And I’m just supposed to sit around and wait?”_

_“Yes.” Lu didn’t hesitate._

_“Okay.”_

_Lu put on the ring Mei had given her that last night on Earth, the tears blurring her vision. “Until then.”_

Lu wondered if she should have tried to reach Mei a little sooner. What if those few months of delay were what made all the difference?

But Lu hadn’t had a choice. She needed to settle back into her life before reaching out. She needed to be there for her son, with her husband, even if Mei occupied a significant part of her heart. A part that only grew and grew. What was that saying Americans had?

_Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

But now . . . now, Lu was starting to breathe again.

_“I found someone else,” Yong had told her one day._

_Lu had stared at him, unsure whether to be angry or grateful._

_“Don’t worry, nothing happened. I can’t do that to you. So I’m talking to you first.”_

_“What now?” she had asked him._

_“I respect you, Lu, and that’s why I can’t keep holding you back. I can’t keep preventing you from finding someone you love._ ”

It was amicable. No anger, just resignation. Lei was now a junior at university and was barely home, and when they told him about their decision, he hadn’t batted an eye. Like he’d been expecting it.

Now, as the divorce was finalised and she exited the lawyers’ office, her heart felt much lighter.

Minutes later, Lu took the subway home. She didn’t see the woman sitting only four subway cars down the train.

That woman was Mei.

##

_“That I cannot see you doesn’t change the simple fact that I’m looking right at you. Why? What are you doing?”_

_“Memorising your voice.”_

Lu came to and slowly forced her eyelids open. Waking up in the middle of the night has become a common occurrence. As were dreams of Mei, which have grown particularly persistent since the divorce. Lu sat up and took a sip from the water glass on the nightstand.

Memories of her dream flooded back. Mei was there, finally, but she stared at Lu. And didn’t know who she was.

Lu has been recently plagued by similar thoughts, ones where she eventually found Mei but something went wrong. Sometimes, Mei didn’t remember her. Sometimes, she had moved on and no longer loved her.

These thoughts were much worse than not finding Mei at all.

Lu moved to her desk and sat down. She turned on the desk lamp and switched her computer monitor on. Like she had done dozens, hundreds, of times before, she typed “Mei Chen” in the browser search bar. And as always, her efforts went nowhere. The name was quite common. Even when she typed “Mei Chen NASA”, she found nothing.

Lu sighed and bent her head upwards. She stared at the ceiling and lost herself in thought. She longed to see the woman she loved, the woman she never stopped loving. She yearned for her touch. She closed her eyes and imagined Mei’s hand cupping hers. She imagined her face close, her lips parting.

Lu wrenched her eyes wide open. She couldn’t let herself think further than that. Or it would become unbearable. So she shook her head, turned off the computer, and returned to bed. She forced her mind to think of something else.

When she considered what she would cook the next day, she found herself wondering what Mei’s favourite food was. When she thought of her colleagues at the lab, she remembered Mei that day she offered to help her learn English.

Eventually, she gave up, trying her best to force her mind to recall memories and not wander past that.

_“Please. Only one night. Let’s have one night together.”_

And one night together was all Lu had to hold on to.

She fell asleep minutes later as she pretended Mei was there, holding her hand.

Just like that night they spent together all those years ago.

##

Lu decided to walk home that day.

The sky was dark. The chilly air hit her face, and she breathed it in. She hoped it would alleviate the restlessness she’s felt all evening. She took a left turn, leaving the farmers market. She had only walked a block away when someone called from behind her.

At first, she didn’t recognise the voice.

“Hey, you dropped this,” the voice cried as it got closer. Lu stopped and turned around.

The woman running towards her looked . . . familiar. She knew that face, that set of dark brown eyes.

The woman got closer, bending down, hands on her knees, and trying to catch her breath. She looked up. “You dropped—”

Lu stared, because what else could she do? She stared as her heart took her eight years back in time, its beat as loud and fast in her ears as the day she realised how much she loved Mei. Who now stood in front of her, her eyes wide in a way Lu hadn’t seen before.

“Lu,” she whispered.

Lu emerged from her reverie. “Hello, Mei,” she said with a calmness so unlike the storm in her head.

Mei’s eyes teared up. “Lu.” She jumped in Lu’s arms.

Lu dropped the grocery bags and wrapped her arms around Mei, still unable to believe her eyes. But the way her heart reacted wasn’t a lie. So she closed her eyes and pulled Mei closer. Laid her head on Mei’s shoulder. Tears sprang to her eyes, unbidden.

_Mei. Mei. It really is Mei._

Lu lost all sense of time as she held on to Mei, not wanting to break their contact. She had waited too long already. Too long.

_Too long._

Mei was the first to pull away, but just enough to see Lu’s face. She was grinning. “I can’t believe it.”

Lu’s face warmed, the chill in the air forgotten.

“Mei,” Lu whispered, and pulled her into another hug.

When Lu had reluctantly let go of Mei, she had refused to do so completely. She wanted, _needed_ , to maintain contact. So she had grabbed Mei’s hand and held it, and Mei hadn’t seemed willing to let go either.

Then Lu had surprised herself when she asked Mei to join her for a cup of tea. At home. Mei’s answer had come in the form of another embrace that left Lu breathless.

As they walked, hand in hand, she learned that Mei has moved back to China shortly after her dismissal from the Mars mission.

“I asked them to re-instate you in Mission Control,” Lu told her, “or I wouldn’t take the photo the way they wanted.”

“I saw the photo.” Mei glanced at Lu, then quickly looked ahead. “I was so proud of you for defying them like that.” She gave her hand a squeeze and grinned.

Lu squeezed back, remembering the perfect fit of Mei’s hand in hers. Marvelling at the ease she felt around her, even after all those years.

“So, Lu Lu, tell me all about Mars!”

##

Lu unlocked the door and led Mei in as she flicked the light switch. She took off her shoes and left them by the door.

Her steps reminded her of how she felt the day she was chosen for the Mars mission. The giddiness that engulfed her was a shocking contrast to the resignation she had felt only hours earlier.

“So, tea?” she asked Mei, not waiting for her answer, before the jump in her step led her to the kitchen. She put the water on to boil and watched Mei approaching her calligraphy work table.

“Can I?” Mei pointed to the brush.

“Of course.” Lu smiled, her nerves catching up with her. Instead of looking at Mei, she watched the kettle, then poured the water over the tea leaves in the cups. Mei had already put down the brush, but the paper she wrote on was nowhere in sight.

Lu carried their tea to the table facing the sofa and sat down. Mei joined her.

“I still can’t believe it,” Lu said. She kept stealing glances at Mei. Mei reached for her hand.

“Is your family home?”

Lu realised, then, that she hadn’t told Mei about the divorce. “Me and my husband, we’re no longer together. And my son is away at university.”

Mei froze, then, “I’m sorry. What happened?”

“We just felt it was the right time for each of us to find someone else.”

Mei was quiet for what felt like aeons.

Lu took a sip from her tea.

“And did you? Find someone else?”

She met Mei’s gaze. “Depends.”

Mei visibly caught her breath. “On what?”

“Did you?”

“Lu Lu,” Mei whispered. Shook her head. “I’ve been waiting for you, remember?”

“How could I not?” Lu answered, her voice smaller than it had ever been.

“I never wanted anyone else.”

Lu’s eyes prickled, her tears flowing freely, and she turned away. She felt a hand on her knee and stared at it.

“I think I have.” Lu took a deep breath and looked up. Mei’s hair captivated her attention, the longing to run her hands through it utterly consuming her.

Mei gave her a puzzled look.

“You asked if I found someone other than my husband. I have.”

“Really?” Mei breathed, moving to pull her hand away. But Lu held it in place.

“You, Mei. I found _you_.” She brought Mei’s hand to her mouth and brushed her lips it. Mei’s breaths became erratic as she brought her face where her hand was.

“Do you want—“

But Lu didn’t let her finish. She moved her lips the remaining distance and caught Mei’s lips.

The first touch was tentative, gentle, two pieces of a puzzle finding their places after years of wear. When Mei pushed closer and her palms cupped Lu’s cheeks, there was one thought running through Lu’s mind.

 _It was worth it. So worth it._ She was amazed by how much she still felt for Mei, like they hadn’t been apart.

The second kiss was insistent, Lu’s hands growing bolder and exploring Mei’s neck, her back, but the awkwardness of their sitting positions made it impossible to get any closer.

Mei broke the kiss and stood up, taking Lu’s hand, the tea forgotten on the table. When Lu stood, she didn’t wait before reconnecting their lips. She pulled Mei in, their chests fitting together like they were made for that purpose, and only that purpose.

Mei bit Lu’s upper lip, nudging her mouth open, and when their tongues met for the first time, Lu saw explosions behind her eyes.

How was it possible this kiss was even better than Lu had dreamed on countless nights?

She breathed heavily into Mei’s mouth, unwilling to sever the connection. Pushing, pulling, sliding, their tongues danced a perfect waltz to the beat of their hearts.

They broke away to catch some air. Mei rested her forehead against Lu’s. Lu closed her eyes and revelled in the touch that she awaited for years.

“I want to show you something,” Mei whispered.

“Okay.”

Mei led her to the work table and produced a paper she’d obviously hidden over a chair beneath the table. The moment Lu realised the words she saw, her heart threatened to leap out of her chest and join Mei’s.

I LOVE YOU.

The same words Lu wrote to Mei that last night, the same words that separated them and took Mei away from Mission Control, away from her. Those same words, now bringing them together.

Lu regarded Mei. Her face was serious, her eyes gleaming. She said the words aloud, “I love you.”

“After all this time?” Lu asked.

“I never stopped.” Mei pulled Lu’s hands to her lips and brushed tender kisses across her knuckles. She hugged Lu’s hands to her chest, pulling her along with them.

“Mei. I still can’t believe you’re here. With me.”

“I am here, and I won’t ever leave.”

“And I love you. I never stopped,” said Lu. “I never will.” She captured Mei’s lips into another kiss.

And as their lips got reacquainted only moments after first meeting, and as their hands explored, and as the words, “I love you,” played on repeat in Lu’s head, she knew one thing for certain.

Mei was the most important thing in her life, and she would do anything, _anything_ , to never be parted from her. Ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Update, October 28, 2020: I just found out that this show was cancelled. Greatly disappointed; season 1 is easily one of my favourite seasons of the year. So I call upon you, fanfiction writers, to keep these characters' journeys alive through your stories!


End file.
